Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
