and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
