I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
