You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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