3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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