Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
