Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
