True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
