My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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