There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
