The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to align my fucking chakras
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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