Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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