Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize