the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
