shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
