If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
