turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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