I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
