Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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