shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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