not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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