he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
