Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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