When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
