Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
