i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
