what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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