i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
