In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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