I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she peed on how many people?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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