..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
