I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize