so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
