A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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