We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize