I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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