There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
