maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize