Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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