All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
