the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
