like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
