If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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