you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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