Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
