NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
