we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
