we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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