The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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