Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
