Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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