This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
