is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
