I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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