im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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