Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
