is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
