Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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