Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
