I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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