was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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