I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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