she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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