I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
