this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
