Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
