im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
