Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
