Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I understand Curling. That high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
