I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
