If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
