Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
