So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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