Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
