used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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