She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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