At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
