So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
