Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
