She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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