I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
