did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
