Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
