How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
