i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
