Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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