I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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