Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
